Takamura's assholeness aside, I think most of the reason he is being the way he is is that he wants people around him to not have false hope, I mean if he is coming back, he is coming back. He doesn't want people to wait or be expectant of him.
@nectar she let them be tortured but she probably did it to not let them get thrown out, she even the first day could barely get the permission of taking them in. She had to work hard and bow head to her husband because of them so she was in tough spot too.