It's actually not too bad if you re-read it.
Just some errors like "I'm live" and stuff.
@Kazedoom It's a single person. not a group. he/she can't catch everything.
actual comments:
I don't like the heroine. She trusts the brown haired girl way too much.
what is she doing. she put herself in this mess, she shouldn't aim higher.
delusional idiot. (the julie girl or whatever)
she probably going to say " im want to marry the prince" or something like that and get rejected.