NEWS×it - Vol. 1 Ch. 5 - The Homecoming Rush Begins

My mo is definitely to translate puns whenever possible, but if there's a way to translate this chapter into English in a natural way that preserves all five kisei meanings, suffice it to say my brain is too small to come up with it.
 
I understand the need to translate puns for flow and readability. But I would still like to know the original pun from a note of some sort. Granted some works are so pun heavy that you're basically giving a foreign language lesson for free.
 

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