@JenaraYT I know you're translating from spanish to english, I can read both. You need to work more on your grammar, some sentences are akward to read. The only thing I can recommend you right now is to consume a lot (and I really mean a lot) of english media (especially text for grammar) to enrich your vocabulary and detect translation errors.
I have also translated from spanish to english before, it is complicated haha. Buena suerte, todos los que hablan inglés te agradecerán mucho, no tengas miedo.
@vessalius
The problem isn't the grammar, it's the meaning.
The meaning here is completely lost.
I wouldn't be able to proofread this and turn it into proper english, because the base text is too convoluted and fundamentally wrong.
@Allexio it is indeed the grammar here that is the problem, as evidenced by the many bilingual people in the comments talking about how the translator needs to become more familiar with English grammar. That or get a proofreader who is familiar with spanish and english grammar.