Anata ga Shitekurenakute mo - Vol. 1 Ch. 7
- Thread starter MangaDex
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Watching her dismiss his ED statement like she did is really disheartening. She didn't recognize any of the different behavior he's displaying. For someone who became so passive, he genuinely made the effort to initiate dialogue he is clearly uncomfortable with, then drops a bombshell on her, and she's like "oh he's just lying" and walks out? Really? She is totally locked into her view of things to the point she can't even see the cry for help for what it was.
At this point her cheating on him (with another married man) is pretty much assured. Here's hoping the husband finds out quickly and can get it over with already. My guess is she starts cheating on him and gets "happier" as a result, pretty much betraying the fact that something is going on, and then the truth comes out.
Neither of them are making an effort to truly understand one another. The sad thing is both of them really love each other. The second the idea of cheating comes up, the husband clearly shows his distress at the idea.
Kinda hope I'm wrong to be honest.
At this point her cheating on him (with another married man) is pretty much assured. Here's hoping the husband finds out quickly and can get it over with already. My guess is she starts cheating on him and gets "happier" as a result, pretty much betraying the fact that something is going on, and then the truth comes out.
Neither of them are making an effort to truly understand one another. The sad thing is both of them really love each other. The second the idea of cheating comes up, the husband clearly shows his distress at the idea.
Kinda hope I'm wrong to be honest.
sakuchu
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@sirflimflam
To be fair, he isn't telling her the truth. He just kinda came up with an excuse after she actually tried to talk to him about it and have a heart-to-heart about her need to feel loved (and that she's not only after sex, she wants the emotional intimacy too).
She's been with this guy for a long time, so she probably has a hunch that he's copping out of the conversation. But to her that was basically a sign that there's no hope. That's why in this chapter she's no longer making an effort. Him lying to her basically made her give up.
Honestly 75% of this would be resolved if he would just sit her down in a private setting and be honest about how he feels. Even if him telling her that he just doesn't wanna sleep with her hurts her initially, him being honest and being willing to talk out their issue to try and resolve it would probably at least give her hope that he also wants to fix their marriage. She probably feels like she's the only one that cares, and to be fair he certainly doesn't make an effort. Heck, he doesn't even cuddle with her or show her basic physical intimacy. I'm pretty sure that would satiate her for a while.
They definitely need marriage counseling though, otherwise this relationship is doomed to fail.
To be fair, he isn't telling her the truth. He just kinda came up with an excuse after she actually tried to talk to him about it and have a heart-to-heart about her need to feel loved (and that she's not only after sex, she wants the emotional intimacy too).
She's been with this guy for a long time, so she probably has a hunch that he's copping out of the conversation. But to her that was basically a sign that there's no hope. That's why in this chapter she's no longer making an effort. Him lying to her basically made her give up.
Honestly 75% of this would be resolved if he would just sit her down in a private setting and be honest about how he feels. Even if him telling her that he just doesn't wanna sleep with her hurts her initially, him being honest and being willing to talk out their issue to try and resolve it would probably at least give her hope that he also wants to fix their marriage. She probably feels like she's the only one that cares, and to be fair he certainly doesn't make an effort. Heck, he doesn't even cuddle with her or show her basic physical intimacy. I'm pretty sure that would satiate her for a while.
They definitely need marriage counseling though, otherwise this relationship is doomed to fail.
jinli
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@sirflimflam Pretty sure he is lying. The author hints at that because his thought right before he says he has ED is that he needs to do something to get out of continuing the conversation. He goes with ED because he saw it on the magazine earlier so naturally that's the first excuse that comes to mind. I mean, since it goes into his thoughts in chapter 6, it seems that his reason he doesn't want to have sex is because it's "just like with iced coffee" -- basically, he's bored with it. He asked to meet basically just to convince her to stick with the status quo and then just decided to bail when the conversation got too real.
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@pants @sirflimflam
I think the husband saying he has ED is a LIE or kind of excuse for himself. Why?
Because he clearly gets the idea of him having an ED on a magazine and he didn't even go to the doctor or self diagnose, he then says it to his wife *such a scumbag.
He also faps on those magazine so WTF
I think the husband saying he has ED is a LIE or kind of excuse for himself. Why?
Because he clearly gets the idea of him having an ED on a magazine and he didn't even go to the doctor or self diagnose, he then says it to his wife *such a scumbag.
He also faps on those magazine so WTF
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@sirflimflam @pants...last chapter the husband literally said he didn't have an ed and just doesn't want to fuck his wife, she knows he doesn't have an ed bc he jacks off to porn regularly. His monologue also states that he isn't interested in her romantically bc hes used to her and doesn't think being "in love" with your wife is necessary for marriage. On no level is he attempting to meet her energy and fix their marriage or reignite the spark even remotely. He's rejected every attempt shes made and goes as far as to say that he resents her for trying. Its impossible to see this relationship and think of anything but a dumpster fire, honestly if cheating gets her to leave him for someone who will look after her emotional needs then she should cheat
At this point I don't think their relationship can be resolved through counseling bc counseling would require that both partners be invested in repairing their relationship, the husband is clearly content where he is and doesn't want to change even if that means his wife is unhappy. Like if he really loved his wife would he let her feel alone like this, even after shes made so many blatant attempts to reach out and find some sort of compromise? Would he lie to her about having an ed/work/just forgetting that they've scheduled sex repeatedly despite her having made it clear that this is a need for her? Basically all his character has shown is that hes consistently willing to disregard his wife's emotional needs and happiness for his own comfort. At this point she isn't so much his life partner as she is his roommate/maid. He's not scum bc hes fallen out of love with his wife, hes scum bc despite knowing that he has he doesn't try to fall back in
At this point I don't think their relationship can be resolved through counseling bc counseling would require that both partners be invested in repairing their relationship, the husband is clearly content where he is and doesn't want to change even if that means his wife is unhappy. Like if he really loved his wife would he let her feel alone like this, even after shes made so many blatant attempts to reach out and find some sort of compromise? Would he lie to her about having an ed/work/just forgetting that they've scheduled sex repeatedly despite her having made it clear that this is a need for her? Basically all his character has shown is that hes consistently willing to disregard his wife's emotional needs and happiness for his own comfort. At this point she isn't so much his life partner as she is his roommate/maid. He's not scum bc hes fallen out of love with his wife, hes scum bc despite knowing that he has he doesn't try to fall back in
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@i_need_SMUUUT @sleepyknight Having a lack of sex drive for your partner is not something you can control and both of you are acting like it is. He doesn't feel attracted to her and reading the past chapter it's clear that he doesn't feel good about it either. Cheating is never acceptable and I'm not sure what hoops you jumped through mentally to justify it. If it's not working then she should leave him, which she has the right to do, but cheating is never justifiable. And he doesn't resent her for trying, sometimes you need space in a relationship and if the other person is trying to close the gap it can feel suffocating, which is what the last chapter portrayed. Imagine your in a relationship with a person you care about but need temporary space from, and then finding out they used that space to cheat on you. I don't think the portrayal of either side is supposed to be completely right or wrong and you should be able to understand both given enough empathy. The only reason I pointed out that it's a bummer is because we all know this won't get resolved in the mature realistic way, that's why we're here, it was telegraphed from the first chapter. This is going to turn into cheating at one point or another and I have a feeling it's going to be sooner rather than later.
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@pants like I feel like you're ignoring the text so that you can imagine the husband in a good light but leaving your home for a week after your wife attempts to initiate sex bc you've never actually told her that you aren't attracted to her anymore and have repeatedly indicated that, at some point in the indeterminate future, you'd like to do it, maybe, if youre in the mood, but if she presses the issue you won't be and thats her fault, isn't anywhere near like communicating effectively with your partner and setting an actual boundary or even indicating a need for space. Its straightforward avoidance, and its a despicable move to pull when your partner has indicated that their desire to communicate with you in order to fix your relationship.
Trying to portray the husband as someone in an impossible situation ignores the fact that hes a human being with agency. Its possible to be neglectful and avoidant to the point of cruelty, and thats where the husband has decided to make his bed. He's had two years to tell his wife that he isn't attracted to her! Two years to straightforwardly state that he no longer sees the need for them to have sex! That its not a need for him like it is for her! He refuses to do so bc acknowledging that they have incompatible needs would mean that his wife would have enough information to make an informed choice as to whether or not she wanted to stay in their relationship. Instead he strings her along by portraying his reluctance to sleep with her as a temporary state which will eventually be resolved once [work gets less busy/she stops pestering him/his ED is cured].
I guess you're right that the manga is unrealistic, realistically no one alive would've tried to make a marriage which had degenerated to this point work. They'd either seek divorce or reconcile themselves to a lifetime without intimacy, because its impossible to make someone who has just about outright stated that they aren't invested in you or your needs try to change themselves
Trying to portray the husband as someone in an impossible situation ignores the fact that hes a human being with agency. Its possible to be neglectful and avoidant to the point of cruelty, and thats where the husband has decided to make his bed. He's had two years to tell his wife that he isn't attracted to her! Two years to straightforwardly state that he no longer sees the need for them to have sex! That its not a need for him like it is for her! He refuses to do so bc acknowledging that they have incompatible needs would mean that his wife would have enough information to make an informed choice as to whether or not she wanted to stay in their relationship. Instead he strings her along by portraying his reluctance to sleep with her as a temporary state which will eventually be resolved once [work gets less busy/she stops pestering him/his ED is cured].
I guess you're right that the manga is unrealistic, realistically no one alive would've tried to make a marriage which had degenerated to this point work. They'd either seek divorce or reconcile themselves to a lifetime without intimacy, because its impossible to make someone who has just about outright stated that they aren't invested in you or your needs try to change themselves
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Even if they don't have sex, the husband makes no effort to be intimate with his wife.
Honestly, I feel for her so bad. Being ignored and taken for granted in a relationship is the worse. It's actually worse than being single in my experience. The loneliness you feel in a bad relationship is the worst. You start blaming yourself for all kinds of things and end up feeling even worse.
I don't know what's his deal, since the author hasn't really explored that part yet, and I'm hoping to see both sides of the problem.
Honestly, I feel for her so bad. Being ignored and taken for granted in a relationship is the worse. It's actually worse than being single in my experience. The loneliness you feel in a bad relationship is the worst. You start blaming yourself for all kinds of things and end up feeling even worse.
I don't know what's his deal, since the author hasn't really explored that part yet, and I'm hoping to see both sides of the problem.
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@i_need_SMUUUT denial and aversion are two reactions men have to the ED realization/discovery process.
This isn't a surprise at all.
Her initial reaction of "he's lying" also isn't a surprise, given how terrible the communication in their relationship is.
This isn't a surprise at all.
Her initial reaction of "he's lying" also isn't a surprise, given how terrible the communication in their relationship is.
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Unless he’s disabled, he’s neglecting her.
