While this translation is much better than the alternate (probably) machine translation on manhuaplus, it's still a chore to read.
If you're translating and your English isn't perfect -- fine. That's no problem at all. In fact, thank you for putting in the effort! Don't however also get a proofreader that barely knows English. A lot of these sentences are just so poorly written and/or just don't make much sense. I mean... EVEN if you're bad at English, at least make the text fit with the picture it's layered over.
