I'd like to think in some corner of his mind, he actually realizes that trying to be a "Shadow Eminence" is a really childish and chuunibyou-esque dream.
@Disappointed He does, i don't know if he has mentioned it in the manga, but i KNOW in the LN he constantly references how he knows hes being idiotic for these actions and thoughts.
@Disappointed if you read his chat with the researcher in the academy guy, he sees it as him pursuing his childhood dream, at the cost of everything else.
He understands that as you grow up you need to sacrifice that kind of stuff to have more responsabilities, get a job, get married, etc.
But he choses instead to sacrifice ALL THAT (prospects of a "real life") to acconplish that dream instead. He just kept "cutting away anything unnecesary for that dream" that he gave up getting close to a family, friend or a lover.