Thanks for the chapter!
A lazy, incomplete list of unsolicited grammar advice:
[ul]
* when a sentence is a question the verb tends to precede the subject. On page 13, it would be "[What] The fuck are you looking at[?]" rather than "you are"/"you're" (dropping 'what' and the question mark seem right for the bandits though)
* Fina should be speaking entirely in the past tense on page 12. "We really reached the royal capital", "mother succumbed to illness", "It never crossed my mind" (the 'it' *could* be dropped by a *very* non-formal person, but it doesn't fit with Fina). This shows up in a handful of other places too ("didn't" and "wasn't" on 4, "arranged" on 13, "locked" "dumped" and "used" on 3 but not "make" or "push" - I think non-finite clauses is the name for what those are doing)
* Yuna sounds kinda stilted on 12 too. Usually you'll see "<object> for <subject> to <verb>" or "<object> to <verb> for <indirect object>" (e.g. "ways to build feeders for songbirds") rather than "<object> to <verb> for <subject>"
* sentences don't have two primary verbs ("would totally won't" on 13 should be "totally won't" or "would totally not", needs a period or comma after "bandits" on 4)
* you need the article on both plans on 13 ('But a plan is still just a plan")
* some missing plurals ("bandits" and "problems" or "there is a problem" on 3, "areas" on 5)
* "silent" is the adjective form of "silence" on 4
* some missing articles ("a bandit group" on 5)
[/ul]
