The translation isn't terrible, but it hurts to read with all the wacky grammars over many places. You may want to find a proof reader if that's possible.
Update: Yeah, I've just read the raws with minimal Japanese knowledge and it was easier to understand than your translation, so that tells quite a lot about how much effort you need to put on your grammar and overall translation. Also, please don't scanlate the chapter on a phone next time.