Well yes I found that the translation is cringe and it's hard for me to read the translation. But, this manga is already a erotica one (I know due to Japanese "common sense" no genital means R15 while erotica is R18 but meh) with a rather dry comedy from time to time so I won't bother myself to even read the translation.
With also cringy storyline, your translation makes it perfect, in a positive way, with some meme here and there.
Overall, a very good work you have there. Should you tune down that forced Indonesian joke, I think it would be more bearable to read.