@vvinchan - most of it seems to be ok for my crude eyes.
Only things that make me want to suggest changes are around page 9
This navel's waist -> This bare midriff (This bare belly)
Then the strip in this section -> And this absolute area OR And this open area OR And then these bare thighs. (It's the bare legs between the long socks and the skirt that's the common fetish)
@vvinchan As mentioned by Simpleton, the "Strip" is actually the amount of bare thigh shown between the skirt and stockings called "Absolute Territory" in English. We're not criticizing, just informing.
The author has missed that there is a reason for the trope of Dwarves being blacksmiths and gnomes being tinkerers. A 13 year old female gnome shouldn't be able to lift a good blacksmith's hammer.