Tenshoku no Shinden o Hirakimashita - Vol. 1 Ch. 1

Okay premise, some attention to detail, good art, terrible fundamentals.

Pretty eh about it.
 
It could have been worse, it could have been better. Overall, it felt a bit rushed for a first chapter; either more pages or spread it out over 2 chapters.
 
@BoatyMcBoatface I mean, I'm also writing a story about causing a nation to go into chaos. It's about a royal accountant who has just set up a working economy for his theocratic country fighting against an unknown man who sees economy as a hindrance and should be destroyed promptly, and the two has conflicting fictional political ideologies set in a world with magic crystals grown from plants. I haven't written it yet. Why? Because economics is hard. That's the only reason I haven't progressed despite all the worldbuilding already done. The author clearly set his foot in the water without measuring its depth beforehand, rookie mistake but one that is easy to learn. Hopefully the author will improve sooner rather than later.

Also, @ me if the story turns out decent cause I'll read it if it's apparantly good.
 
Agreed. I don't know enough or care enough for the world to feel the tension about changing it. So, insta-drop.
 
It's impossible to not like a rabbit? The mc is clearly crazy! These pests will shit and piss on your furniture, and bite everything. It's impossible to teach them to use litter box. The only people that like rabbits are children. They don't care that you house is slowly getting stinky and destroyed.

Man, do I hate rabbits. Never more. But they do make a delicious stew, I must admit.
 
Kinda fast paced. Just creating a shop feels already like wanting to get attention and dangerous situations. So the whole "getting revealed" feels weird.

Overall just kinda feels weird and meh. Maybe it's gonna get better later on..
 
@bakauguu
It sounds reasonable.
Remember, information doesn't spread as fast in medieval times like they do now, so having a job change shop will just create rumours that might not even reach the capital. Well, it is a matter of time before the royal family and the church realise there is a rumour about this kind of shop and then accertain if said rumour is true. All they have to do is create a temple for now I guess, before the big powers realize his existence.
 
@Mizumachi
Well, but he is from the "future" or modern time himself. Thinking "information doesn't spread so far so it's fine" or something similar is what caused to get him attention already. I mean the Prince already knew and checked it out. Even if it's a "insignificant" prince, he knew. And the other propbably have better networks, to get information from.

The idea is interesting, so I hope it get's better.
But currently it seems more like they stick together one "event" after another, rather than reading a story. (If that makes sense)
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Back
Top